Malmo Blog DAY 8 Monday 13th May

This is Hass Yusuf reporting live from Malmo where all the Eurovision action is.

Disclaimer: As this is being written as events happen, please expect typos, missing words, bad grammar, etc.

So today we have two dress rehearsals for semi-final one. One in the late afternoon and the Jury dress rehearsal in the evening. The evening Jury one, as suggested, is the show that the juries will give their votes to. So, it’s very important for all the acts to be perfect as possible.

I’m going to be watching and blogging while watching the afternoon show. Don’t really want to watch the show twice in one day!

Last night we had the Opening Party at the Opera House. There wasn’t room for the journalists, but the party continued in the Euroclub. We got there a bit early, so watched the red carpet treatment on the cinema screen instead. It was something out of the Oscars. Out came the stars from their cats onto a red carper catwalk with cheering fans and photo-journalists. All very OTT. The Finnish delegation milked every second second to.

But here’s Margaret Berger from Norway to give you a taste of things.

Bet you wish you were there.

And here’s Margaret performing at the Nordic Party the night before. I’m not being biased here towards Norway, but as they sent me the links, I may as well enjoy them with you! We like to spread the luv here at Eurovision.


Anyway, here we go. I’m going to do snippet descriptions of all the acts as they happen. Keep up now. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! I’ve got coffee, biscuits, chocolate and a banana  (as well as good company) to keep me going. Listen, after a week here you need something to keep you going!

And here’s our host, the talented, amusing and lovely Petra Mede, famous Swedish comedienne.

Okay – here we go. The opening sequence. Lots of scenes from across Europe. What a wonderful continent we are.

Across the bridge linking Denmark and Sweden.

Young lad singing.  A group of children start singing last year’s wining somg, Euphoria. There’s a message here – We Are One probably. And here’s Loreen – last year’s winner – the reason we’re all here today in Sweden. She’s dressed in red to stand out.

And here’s our host, Petra, in a vision of silver bacon foil.

Scenes from Austria. The first butterfly.
Spotlight on singer. White top and smart jeans – high heels. Supeman’s Fortress of Solitude. Singers in a circle. Off they go around the stage. Wind machine. Hurrah.  Hair blown away to reveal earrings.

Scenes from Estonia. Socks?
Birds eye view. Here’s the singer in black and white. Long white dress. Very virginal. Fog. Don’t fall over luv!  Backing singers have arrived. Reaching to the sky. More fog.  Very nice.

Lemon tea?
Manic lights! Men in masks! She’s in leather and chain-mail. Robotic dancing of sorts. Keep the masks on lads.  On the floor giving worship. Hands and legs everywhere. She’s wandered off on her own. The lads are frantically calling her over. Happy feet. Vogue posing.

On the sea. Food.
Coming into focus. Baldy singing.  Then hairy-top. Nice outfits. Out come the other singers. They all want their turn. All in a row. Baldy again. Hairy-top. Semi-circle. Standing in a row just singing. Baldy and hairy-top finish it off nicely. Fab.

Horse and carriage. Statues.
Flute. Yellow spotlight. Here she is on the floor in white. Silver armband. Drummers. Up she gets. Flute. Staring hard. Hands. Going for a walk. Passionate hand gestures. Big drums. Raining fire. No umbrella for her. Don’t get burnt!

Back to Petra. Big cards.  Yep, it is more expensive in Norway.

It’s cold. Nice art.
She comes into focus. Dressed in pink. Not revealing much. Balloons. Globes. Arms. Singers appear dressed in white. Two singers handled balloons – thrown into audience. Calling ambulance. Only kidding. Blue silvery finish. Very nice.

Photo taken.
Giant carrying babe. Ground shaking. Dressed in white. Standing on rock. Fog.  Ooops, she’s stopped. Her ear-piece isn’t working.
Here we go again.
Giant carrying babe. Ground shaking. Dressed in white. Standing on rock. Fog.  Hand fluttering. Lightning. Singers appear. More hand fluttering. Fog’s still there. Following the camera. Don’t fall off your rock sweetheart. Flutter, flutter, flutter. Cheap Fireworks.

Boxing. Sound studio.
Silver light. Coming into focus. Dressed in grey and black. Out of focus. Back in focus again. Wind. Silver light. Birds flying off. Wind, Birds. Padlock. Singers in black. Good to see them. Standing still throughout. Fab.

Keyboard. Waking up. Cheap car. Fishing. Basketball – this has got it all.
Lights! Fog! Astronauts. Rapping (ugh). Fog blasts. Here’s the cyborg rising from the fog blasts. More rapping. Let’s have more of the Cyborg. Camera speeding around. Fog blasts. All dancing together. Camera can’t keep up. More fog blasts.  Space walking. Never mind. But I like it.

Tram. Plane. Hello mum. Fishing with dad. Busking.
Silver spotlights. Here he is. Looking bored. Leather jacket. Four singers in background. Eyes. Arm gestures. Scary shots. Hand gestures. Pleading hands – please vote for me. Tommy Cooper impersonations. I like it.

Snow. Hoodie. Cheers.
Dancers in white. Fog, Silver globe. Out she come all in silver and blue tassels. Legs go on forever. Singers appear, Dancers attempting to upstage her. Cha-cha. Let’s al cha-cha. Embracing  arms. Cha-cha. Arms galore. Cha-cha. Flames. Rums.  Flames. Cha-cha. Can you feel the heat? Cha-cha. High jumps. Cha-cha. Fireworks. What’s not to like? Cha-cha.


Mountains. Horse. Church. Chinese lanterns.
Piano with dancers. Fog. Everyone in white.  Red hair. More fog, Dancers can’t keep still. They’re telling a story. Dress turning pink. Lighting. Up she goes! Will she stop? Come back girl! Fire! Piano.


Hoodie. Butcher. Number plate. Pub.
Drums. Leather.  Tattoes. Oil. Muscles. More drums. Here’s our man all dressed in leather. Big drums. Spotlights. Drums.  Two female singers – with tops on. Just all drums and singing. Drums. Muscles. Oil. Tattoos. Drums. Muscles. Oil. Tattoos. Sweat. You get the drift. All in red and black. Fireworks. Gay vote secured.


Here’s Petra. Report from Australia. No, you can’t join Eurovision!


Fishing. Hiya mum. Cooking. Kite.
Blue spotlight on singer – dressed in black catsuit with stilettos. Thank you. Purrrrr.  Fade-aways galore. Arms. Just passionate singing. Reaching for the top. Nice ring. All very fab on her own.


Lighthouse. Coach. Theatre. Subway.
Angst singers. Big eyes. Floppy hair. Grey suit.  Dancers behind him. Molesting him? Stroking. Chicken-style dancing. ?????  What are they doing? Backing singers being ignored. Angst dancing. They’re telling some sort of story. Grab! Yes – grab those votes!


Cosmetics. Lips  Party girls. Friends.
Dolly birds. Evil and Good. Devil and angel is the theme here.  Leave me alone. No, listen to me. No, ignore her, listen to me. You know you really want to. This way girl. Leave me alone. No, we both want you. Just walk this way. Don’t tap me on the shoulder you bitch! Well, you won’t listen to me! I’ll show a great time in Essex. Hmmpp!!


Interval act looks like fun, Lots of drums and dancers.

The sequence with Lynda Woodruff is fab.

And there you have it. Semi-final one in a snapshot.

Back later with predictions….

Cha-cha. Time to stop. I’m worn out with all that dancing.